Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

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I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

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I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

Why do subpar women think that they are nines and tens?

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I understand how hurricane paths work

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I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

Which Bibles can one read and be confident they are reading the inerrant word of God?

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I know who the president of Turkey really is

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I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

What is your review of the Redmi 9A? Is it worth buying?

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I actually pay taxes

Why does my private parts itch so much during certain periods?

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

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It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

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I can count

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I see through liars

I have complete contempt for fakery

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t buy bullshit

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I can read

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I don’t cotton to rapists

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I have a reading level above third grade

I have complete contempt for traitorism

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability